Friday, February 17, 2012

The courage to do it?

The day I decided to home school my children I let out a breath of relief.
I had been going back and forth with the idea for months.

Sometimes it is impossible for me to know something unless I talk it over..a lot.  It seems the process of talking brings me to truth. I say something and then say "no, that's not really how I feel. Maybe it's more like ___."

So this particular day, I needed clarity. I called my mother- the wisest woman in my life. She listened and stayed neutral, allowing me to hear myself.  After an hour (or two?) I said "What it comes down to is that I lack the courage to do what I know is right."

And there it was.

The days that followed were an easy hard. I wrote an email to Ezra's teacher. I went into the school to pick up his things. I drove away, looking over my shoulder thinking "Is that it? Aren't they going to come after me and make me sit on the bench outside the principal's office?" I felt like a rebel on the loose.

They didn't come after me. In fact when I went to the school board office to meet with the home education rep. (expecting a stern talking to) he expressed his love of home education and said looking back on his career as a public school teacher he would have done things much differently. "You're going to love home schooling" he stated.

And love it I do. Except when I don't.

It reminds me of motherhood- crazy and beautiful all mixed together.

1 comment:

Jane said...

Nicely put - I think we all need to talk things out to discover how we really feel.